I'm Sorry Mama! If I knew Then What I Know Now

 My mama is in the hospital right now and although I know she's going to be okay, I have her on my mind constantly and I am so worried about her catching COVID. There are some things I've wanted to say to her and so here goes!

Dear Mama. 

I laugh sometimes when the kids call me mommy because you never could stand being called mommy, mother, or mom. You have always been mama, now Grani. I laugh because I used to call you the names you can't stand just to annoy you. Guess what?! It came back to bite me. Tbomb likes to ask me pointless questions just to get on my nerves. 

I think often of something I said to you when I was about 15. I remember the hurt I saw in your eyes, but didn't understand why you were hurt. I said: "I want to be more than just a mom." I'm so sorry I said this to you and I'm so sorry that I was so insensitive. I want to blame it on being young and dumb, but even then, I knew to take people's feelings into account. 

I understand now why it hurt so much. I understood before, but when Koda told me that she wants to be a mom when she grows up, it really hit me exactly why it hurt you. There is no such thing as "just a mom," all moms- work at home, stay at home, work away from home, homeschool- we are all so much more that "just mom." In that one title holds everything else- nurse, teacher, maid, confidante, friend, counselor, cook, and everything else. A mom does everything every day. Even when dad is very present and helps out all the time, mom is still the mortar of the family. 

I'm so sorry I said that to you in that way. I'm proud to be "just a mom." and I strive every day to be more like you- patient, creative, kind, wise, and to instill the wisdom in my children that you shared with me and my brothers each day. 

I also want to say that I cherish our friendship. I have always been able to talk to you about anything without judgement and you were always so open with me about everything. I hope to be that way with my own daughter. I really feel that is the reason I didn't get into trouble and go wild as a teenager. You talked with me and were honest with me about experiences and outcomes. Thank you for that! 

I love you and I am looking forward to many more years of a wonderful friendship with you that has blossomed so much over the last few decades. Thanks mom, for being "just a mom." I love you.

Love, 

Your Favorite Daughter!!!