Premarital Counseling: My Thoughts On The Therapy As A Married Woman

My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years. We married on June 12, 2010. It was a beautiful and very special day that I will always hold near and dear to my heart. The only days that even compare are the days my children were born, the day Koda finally talked, and the day we found that my mother-in-law is cancer free. Wow, what a list of special days!

The minister that married my husband and I normally requires a few premarital counselling sessions with him before he will consider doing the ceremony. However, we were special circumstances. We were pregnant and wanted to go ahead and get married before Tbomb came along because we knew that doing it afterword would be more difficult with a baby. This minister was very close friends with the Mr's grandparents, so he simply asked them: "Are they meant to be married?" With an answer of yes from them, he considered it good enough, so we were able to go on with our vows.

The Mr and I have our fair share of problems and fights. We disagree with each other a lot, but to this day, we have never spent a night apart because of arguing. We don't go to bed angry, or go to bed or leave the house without saying "I love you." These are rules we made when we first got married and have not strayed from them. Even though we do have our fair share of problems, our marriage is strong. We do not believe in divorce, so we make it work. We were also the last of our friends to get married because we do not believe in divorce. We look at life like this "If it's broke, fix it, don't throw it away." This works for cars, furniture, electronics, and marriages. Unfortunately, not everyone feels this way.

Another thing we realize is that not everyone should stay married. My parents, for instance, cannot be married. They have married each other twice, both times divorcing. They are best friends, but as soon as they say "I Do," problems start. I guess you could say that not all marriages are created equal.

Having been married for 8 years and looking forward to another 60 or more, I know that not everyone has our same situation. Looking back over our marriage, I can see the merits of premarital counselling and actually would recommend it to any couple considering getting married. I know that many of our disagreements and fight would probably not have happened if we had gone through it. You never truly know someone until you are married, but counselling could help that along some.

For instance, there are many conversations that couples should have before marriage, but not everyone thinks of them. Do you discuss your personal 5-year-plan, along with your family 5-year-plan and what they mean to each other? Are there hidden pet peeves, hidden bad habits, or other things you would rather your significant other not know? You better get them out in the open. For instance, the Mr had no clue just how much I hate feet until he put his on my pillow one night. I had to change the sheets. He also had no idea just how much I hate short jokes until after we were married. I didn't know that he hates fake fingernails (although I wore them all the time) until after we were married.

There are so many things in our day to day lives that we take for granted or just do not think about because we are creatures of habit. These things do not come to light until after you are married. Then, there are the big things. Having someone help navigate the waters of tough discussions can make a big difference and make sure that you know the answers to those big questions. While my husband and I did not go through premarital counselling, I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get married.

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